Gour

Sunday’s Piece

I once asked a Mayor of Salisbury what was being done about ‘the dust problem’ and drew his attention to sidewalks in the centre of Salisbury which have remained ‘unsurfaced’ throughout my 17 years here, giving rise to all manner of problems, not least concerning health, and in front of an intelligent and large crowd he had the nerve to say “what dust problem?”. Perhaps dust is the wrong word? Maybe it should just be good old plain dirt. Anyway, for what one opinion is worth, I think it is costing us, one way or another, a lot of money.

John Lentell

August 8th, 1968

Gour

Saturday’s Piece

“All love at first, like generous wine,

Ferments and frets until ’tis fine;

But when ’tis settled on the lee,

And from th’ impurer matter free,

Becomes the richer still the older,

And proves the pleasanter the colder.”

(Samuel Butler, 1612-1680)

John Lentell

August 7th, 1968

Gour

Wednesday’s Piece

If you want to know if your M.P. is paying for his keep and which M.P.’s are worthy of their seat – subscribe to ‘Hansard’ (the official report of Parliamentary Debates). It is only 15/-d per annum (post free) – cheaper than any other publication known to me! I often ponder why there has never been a campaign to promote the sale of it?

John Lentell

August 4th, 1968

Gour

Tuesday’s Piece

The other night, from cares exempt,

I slept – and what d’you think I dreamt?

I dreamt that somehow I had come

To dwell in Topsy-Turveydom! –

Where vice is virtue – virtue, vice:

Where nice is nasty – nasty, nice:

When right is wrong and wrong is right –

Where white is black and black is white.

(Gilbert – My Dreams)

John Lentell

August 3rd, 1968

Gour

Saturday’s Personal Piece

I wonder how many people know that they can receive ‘HANSARD’ (the official record of Parliamentary proceedings and debates) through the post for only 15/-d per year? It works out at only 2d or 3d per copy and is wonderful value at that price. You could resell it at a handsome profit!

John Lentell – P.O. Box 2679, Salisbury

March 16th, 1968

Gour

Friday’s Personal Piece

Tax relief in respect of interest payable on building society loans would be a worthwhile incentive to young Rhodesians to build or buy dwelling houses and a great attraction to prospective settlers.

John Lentell – P.O. Box 2679, Salisbury.

March 15th, 1968

Gour

Thursday’s Personal Piece

“Hail, Barum’s brass-faced bard!

Thou, who dost wither Scriblings with a “bah!”

Turning their wits to doors, – like some-one his Papa –

What name hast thou? great Ass? nay, that I must discard;

The modest brute so called, would blush for shjame

At his own namesake, for thou hast no tail!

No, nothing follows thee, but – a bad name!”

John Lentell of Hunter’s Lodge

February 26th, 1968

Gour

Wednesday’s Personal Piece

I wouldn’t be a City Councillor (tho’ I was – believe it or not – once asked) for all the China tea in Salisbury. So full marks to those – whatever their political opinions – who are. I just couldn’t resist this one:-

“Shall Barum always crouch beneath

Some Boroughmonger’s rod?

Or shall we still subservient be

To petty tyrants’ nod?

.

Indignantly forbit it all,

Forbid it, hearts so true,

And shew us, at your country’s call,

What Barumites can do.”

John Lentell of Hunter’s Lodge

February 25th, 1968

Gour

Tuesday’s Personal Piece

“Britons be firm! – nor let corruption sly

Twine round your Heart indissoluble chains

Determined, hold

Your independence; for, that once destroyed,

Unfounded, wisdom is a morning dream.”

John Lentell of Hunter’s Lodge.

February 24th, 1968

Gour

Monday’s Personal Piece

“O say not Tom will e’er be bought

With Truth’s alluring treasure;

And say not Tom will e’er be caught

With any liberal measure;

For aye with venom’d tooth he gnaws

Worth, virtue, truth – and never

Ought in his soul save falsehood glows –

He lies, and lies for ever.

.

O say not Tommy’s tales are fair,

He’ll fib as he is able;

That black is white he’ll stoutly swear,

And then that white is sable.

And falsehood’s love that first could worm

His breast, will leave it never;

No noble motive e’er can charm –

He lies, and lies for ever.

John Lentell of Hunter’s Lodge.

February 23rd, 1968

Gour

Thursday’s P.S.

Some years ago the Rhodesia Herald and Sunday Mail found it necessary to divide the Personal Column into two sections – “Domestic” and “Business” and the Advertising Dept. has been subjected to some pressure for permitting me to use the Domestic section with the names “Barum & Sarum” appended. I feel that my words would be wasted in the Business column so pending some satisfactory solution to the problem I cannot continue writing ‘pieces’. This truly saddens me. If you should have any feelings about the matter, or suggestions to make, please drop me a line. I know that the Advertising Manager would welcome some assistance in overcoming what is for him a very real problem. Au revoir.

J.L. – B. & S.

January 23rd, 1968

Gour

Thursday’s Piece

Confronted by insurmountable problems I must, without further delay, sadly and reluctantly close both town shop and factory. I will reopen Hunter’s Lodge as soon as possible. These daily ‘pieces’ have, ironically,  brought in a volume of business sufficient to sustain us but staff and labour problems (black and white!) have not been overcome.

John Lentell – Barum & Sarum

(Note for Printer: If for one reason or another this should be delayed – PLEASE CONTACT FOR ALTERATIONS.)

January 23rd, 1968