How magnanimous and what a fine beginning it would be to his reign if Ted Heath sent george Brown to the House of Lords – assuming of course that  he wants to go.

John Lentell

24th June, 1970

“My Analyze over the ocean

My Analyze over the sea

Oh, who will go over the ocean

And bring back my Anatomy.”

(Written by a student when asked to compose something to incude the words “analyze” and “anatomy”!)

John Lentell

23rd June, 1970

“An English lady, self-appointed supervisor of village morals, accused a workman of having reverted to drink because ‘with her own eyes’ she had seen his wheelbarrow standing outside a public house.

The accused man said little in his defence, but the same evening he placed his wheelbarrow outside her door and left it there all night.”

John Lentell

20th June, 1970

“I am particularly incensed when non-Rhodesians involve themselves in politics….This (exhibit) advertisement….is the work of a non-citizen. It might be his good intention to become a citizen. But in the meantime I would say that he is here on probation and should keep his nose out of active politics. He should certainly not seek to influence those of us who are voters in a manner which implies that we are lot of nit-wits. In many countries such a person would find his stay short-lived. Indeed, some have been deported from Rhodesia seemingly for less….”

(Extract from speech by Independent candidate for Salisbury City at Liberty Cinema – April 2nd, 1970)

John Lentell

19th June, 1970

“I can read you like a book, John.”

“Why don’t you, then? You skip what you don’t like in a book!”

John Lentell

18th June, 1970

“The Manu moral code which governs the lives of 250,000 Hindus condones lying only when saving a life and when paying a compliment to a woman.”

John Lentell

23rd May, 1970

“History tells us of a white-haired shepherd of Sparta, who learned to understand men perfectly from always having lived alone with his sheep.”

John Lentell

21st April, 1970

“We have not got thise tipe of shourts”

(Reply in total from prominent local clothing factory to courteous 84 word memo enquiring for assistance in locating further supplies – scribbled on on reverse and handed back to messenger who motored 7 miles there and back!)

John Lentell

19th April, 1970

Small boy on being disciplined: Don’t say must, mother. It makes me feel won’t all over.

John Lentell

15th April, 1970

To change my opinion today, does not mean to say that I know less today than I knew yesterday.

John Lentell

24th March, 1970

“A speaker talked loud and long, then asked brightly, ‘Are there any questions?’. A hand went up. The speaker nodded.

‘What time is it?’ the listener inquired.”

John Lentell

21st march, 1970

“Political difference is wholesome. It is political indifference that hurts.”

John Lentell

20th March, 1970

 

The candidate who holds the first public meeting in an election campaign starts the ball rolling!

John Lentell

13th march, 1970

The duck is calm and unruffled on the surface but paddles like the devil underneath!

John Lentell

12th March, 1970

“There was a politician in Indiana who was really honest. When he was bought, he stayed bought.”

John Lentell

9th March, 1970

The boat-rockers are the people who fiddle. The people who fiddle money or its equivalent out of the country – out of Rhodesia. It is almost a national pastime. Which perhaps explains why, to my knowledge, not one man-at-the-top has so far raised a voice in warning or protest. Of what worth is the “Good Old Smithy” waffle when at every opportunity a few more quid (sorry – dollars!) are added to the external stockpile – Johannesburg – Geneva – London -Where-have-you?. The pastime is widespread, we all know about it, it stinks and those who indulge in it stand in the shadow of Gahaller and Nicholson. Customs should examine the people going out at least as thoroughly as they examine the people coming in.

John Lentell

28th February, 1970

Asked if the world was round, Mary answered, “No”.

“Is it flat?”

“No.”

“If it isn’t flat and it isn’t round, what is it?”

“Daddy says it crooked.”

John Lentell

27th February, 1970

“Rastus after being reprimanded by the judge for deserting his wife:

‘Jedge, ef you’ knowed dat woman like Ah does, you’ wouldn’t call me no deserter. Ah’s a refugee.'”

John Lentell

25th February, 1970

“A stone mason was ordered to carve ‘Lord, she was thine’ on a tombstone. He found that he had not worked out his spaces correctly and there was no room for the last letter. The finished job read:-

‘Lord, she was thin’.

John Lentell

21st February, 1970

“Philosopher: a person who says he doesn’t care which side his bread is buttered on, because he eats both sides anyway.”

John Lentell (1926 – 1993)

13th February, 1970