John Lentell

Gour

Thursday’s Piece

I am without a political leader and I think this is true of a large number of the electorate – decent Rhodesians who are sick and tired of the hugger-muggering. This is not Zambia. Nor is it South Africa. We could be the Switzerland of Africa – a peaceful nation of skills, hard work and hard currency (a venue for International peace conference!). But I see little hope of this under our existing leadership and, sadly, no convincing alternative has as yet been proffered.

John Lentell

12th February, 1969

Gour

Wednesday’s Piece

(This piece was rejected by Rhodesia Herald editors / censors and not published)

Sophisticated mercenaries! Some were here before UDI, many have come since – detained or drawn by the spoils to be had. Unscrupulous and without any sense of patriotism. In effect – subversive! They couldn’t care a b….r about Rhodesia – that’s beyond doubt. All of which I am frequently told is just human nature and that in Rhodesia it is no worse and no better than elsewhere. What a pity. We used to be different, we used to be better – that was our strength.

John Lentell

11th February, 1969

Gour

Tuesday’s Piece

I think that non-citizens should keep their noses out of Rhodesian Front politics, Centre Party politics – out of politics altogether. But I am also of the opinion that in our peculiar circumstances loyalty is divided when so-called Rhodesians have cash or other assets (nest-eggs!) in South Africa, Switzerland, London, Hong Kong or where-have-you. Sorry to harp on this but I feel strongly about it.

John Lentell

2nd February, 1969

Gour

Sunday’s Piece

Patriotism can be invalidated by contrary material facts. How can a man’s views on the issues of our Rhodesia day be taken seriously when it is known that he has external assets sufficient to allay real anxiety?

John Lentell

3rd January, 1969

Gour

Sunday’s Piece

A member once went out to raise funds for a new church. In one home which he visited, a member of the church refused to give because he felt the church was costing too much. In reply the canvasser told the following story:

“About twenty five years ago a son was born to me. From the moment he came into the world he was an expense. First it was hospital care, toys, food. Then it was music lessons, books and shoes. Later it was allowance for movies, dances and dates. Finally, he went to college and my expenses mounted.  Sometimes I thought the boy was costing me more than was necessary. At about the time he was ready to graduate from college, my son was infected with a grievous disease and died.”

The speaker paused to clear his throat, then he continued quietly, “You know Bill, that boy has not cost me a cent since. Not one cent.”

John Lentell

25th December, 1968

Gour

Saturday’s Piece

“A kind old gentleman seeing a small boy who was carrying a lot of newspapers under his arm said: “Don’t all those papers make you tired, my boy?”.

“Naw, I don’t read ’em”, replied the lad.

John Lentell

24th december, 1968

Gour

Thursday’s Piece

Barnstaple (Barum), North Devon, England. My place of birth. Population in 1953 – 14,693. Early closing Wednesday. Market days Tuesday and Thursday. Lovely memories. Now zoned to be a satellite city with a population of 100,000!

Oh! My God! What is happening to poor old England?

John Lentell

December 14th, 1963

Gour

Monday’s Piece

Unusual to walk in to your bank and find a piano and two barrels of refrigerated draught beer! “Christmas party tonight” says the girl – with an appropriate smile. “I hope the Manager is going says poor, uninvited me. “The bigger his draught, the bigger my overdraft!”.

John Lentell

December 11th, 1968

Gour

Sunday’s Piece

‘BASIC ENGLISH’

If “gh” stands for “p” as in” hiccough”, “ough” for “o” and in “dough”, “phth” for “t” as in “phthisis”, “eigh” for “a” as in “neighbour”, “tte” for “t” as in “gazette”, “eau” for “o” as in “beau”, the right way to spell “potato” must be: “ghoughphtheightteeau”.

John Lentell

December 10th, 1968